Making the most of time...

Every October my husband and I do our best to go to Minnesota where we spend a week relaxing in a cabin with my best friend’s mom Cecilia. (It’s just the three of us as Patrick and everyone else has declared it boring – there’s a lot of pajamas, popcorn, and movies.) Let me tell you a little about her and our relationship. When I was 23 or 24, I became estranged from my parents. It wasn’t one specific incidence or fight but a nonverbal decision on both sides that perhaps the only thing that suited us after years of issues was space. Patrick was already a part of my life and my best friend. When he got married when we were both 27, I finally got the chance to meet his family. From the moment we met them, they immediately made us feel like we were family too. Since that day sixteen years ago, we’ve spent countless moments with them. We’ve shared holidays especially Christmas, trips, and Patrick’s mom became our adopted mom. We in fact have called her mom for many years.

My relationship with my own folks evolved due to tragedy. Some years ago, my sister suddenly lost her sixteen-month-old daughter to a rare undiagnosed heart condition and at the memorial I saw my mother for the first time in over a decade. We tried for about a year to spend some time together, but it was another tragedy that truly altered the way we treated each other. My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. Her only request when she found out she was ill that all three of her daughters spent time with her. So, for the next year I upended my life to drive down to see her every other weekend. Those are moments I will never regret. We never resolved our issues, but I had already set them aside and I was rewarded with beautiful memories of my mother that I still cherish. My father made it impossible for me to do the same with him. A month before my mother died, I had to have major surgery and I couldn't have known when I did that I would never see her again. She went into the hospital two weeks later and my father barred the entire family from visiting. On the day she passed away he sent me a single text to tell me she was gone and ordered me to alert everyone else. At her funeral it was the boyfriend he kept (supposedly secretly but we all knew) on the side that introduced himself to us outside the funeral home while my father hid in an office inside and had the staff there escort him into the room to prevent us from saying a word to him. As he so often did, he managed to make the entire thing about himself. That was the last time I saw or spoke to him. And I have zero intention of extending any olive branches. People, even ones who are related to you, can be toxic and he definitely falls into that category.

I still miss my mother and have moments where it’s hard to believe she’s gone. My constant has always been Cecilia and although I could’ve easily told her that we couldn’t make it to the cabin this year since GRL is the next week we bought our plane tickets instead several weeks ago. The very next night Patrick contacted me to tell me she went in to see the doctor because she was having some trouble breathing. She’s a smoker and was diagnosed with COPD years ago so I hoped they would give her some medicine and we’d get back to normal. Instead, she was taken by ambulance the very next day with complaints of a similar nature as well as extreme pain. Over the course of the next three weeks, we went through tests, and hospital visits. On the 8th Patrick called me to tell me her PET scan had it up like a Christmas tree. She refused to have a biopsy but two days later was once again in the emergency room with issues which wound up with her hospitalized and the procedure was done the next afternoon.

On the 11th when my mind should’ve been on the excitement of revealing my newest book cover, I instead ended the day with the news that my surrogate mother has stage 4 lung cancer. She spent the weekend getting her first chemo and I’m still trying to come to terms with the news. I am in fact right now rather numb. It’s surreal and with the distance I can talk, text, and see photos but it’s definitely not the same as being there but I can't erase the hundreds of miles that separate us though I wish I had that power! All I can think of how important it is to remember how short life is and how important it is not to waste opportunities. We all sit around thinking that there’s time for that tomorrow or there’s always next year. The truth is, there might not be.

So, what does this do to my schedule? I don’t know yet. The plan is to still go to GRL. The only thing that would keep me from being there is if I must be in Minnesota because we've already lost her to say that last goodbye. (I'm not sure yet if I’ll be in Minnesota the week before or if we take those tickets and move them up to see her sooner. The cabin is too far away to make it up with there with her. The sad truth is we already had our last visit up north together and I went never knowing it was for the last time. As for the near future, we want to give her time to settle in before we start talking travel and she’s in a transitional facility for the next couple of days.) Either way, I look forward to having fun at GRL. As important as it is to deal with the hard stuff, having a break to be around such an exciting experience will help keep my spirits boosted. I believe positive thinking has tremendous power and do my best to get my mind there when I can.

As far as books go, what’s crazy is that I moved up the couple in the book I’m writing since they refused to leave me alone and there are some parallels to my life right now. It’s making for a much more emotional experience than I could’ve imagined when I started. I apologize for such a lengthy post that has nothing at all to do with my stories and while I tend to keep my personal life away from my writing one simply because I’m not nearly as exciting as the men of D’Vaire, this took me by surprise, and I guess I needed an outlet. I appreciate you reading this whole thing and I promise to spend my next blog entry actually talking about book stuff! Have a wonderful day and hey, go hug your family and friends. Don't forget your furry, feathered or scaly pals - we certainly never get enough time with those important members of our families! And my hope is that you seize every opportunity you can because I wish for you all the best in the world. ❤