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Saying goodbye is never easy

Although I’ve got all kinds of ideas running through my head, I haven’t written anything since I finished Aleksander’s book. (And damn do I miss him and his mate! They are definitely going to be featured in more short stories.) I believe I’ve got most of the outline figured out for the short story I need to complete next, so my plan is to tackle that next week. My goal is to get that wrapped up before GRL so I can focus on my next book when I return from New Mexico. The couple featured are jumping up and down for my attention and I’m looking forward to it. It’s got some elements that are unique, and I do love a challenge.

A few months ago, I told you about my best friend’s mother who found out she had metastatic lung cancer. If you’ve heard me talk about her, you know that she’s been a major influence in my life, and I consider her family. The last I wrote I was heading to Minnesota to see her and that she wasn’t doing well. It was a nice trip although very difficult. Her favorite day was always Christmas, so we had a huge get-together complete with Santa and Mrs. Claus. She was in high spirits and I know she loved every minute.

Leaving was difficult, I was sure it was the last time I would see her, and I used to mourn the fact that I never got to say goodbye to my biological mother before her death from metastatic colon cancer. Now I know it wouldn’t have made any difference to me in the end. What words can you say to encompass the love in your heart? It’s impossible. So, you do the best you can, and you cry your tears. Walking out of that house was brutal and the trip home was solemn.

I’d barely gotten in the door when I got a text message from Patrick saying that the family member staying with her had some concerns and wanted everyone to come over. Two hours later, he called to tell me that she was gone. It’s funny how even when you know someone is extremely ill, you’re still shocked when they pass. Tomorrow I’m heading back to Minnesota for her funeral. I’m not even letting myself think about speaking in public and how much I hate that. Instead, I’m trying to focus on all the wonderful memories she has left me with and how much I will always cherish them.

My husband and I have opted not to go to her internment where she’s going to be buried next to the grandparents she so adored. Not only is it the day before we’re scheduled to leave for GRL, we’d prefer to save that leave from his work and those dollars to return to Minnesota for Christmas, so we don’t miss her favored holiday. I know it won’t be quite as raucous or lively, but I do know she’ll be there cheering us on to have a great time.

Until then, I’ll be here muddling on and trying to adjust to a world without her in it. It’s not the first time in my life I’ve wished for a giant pause button so time will stop until I’m ready to face the day again and unfortunately it won’t be the last. But I also know that things will get easier and I’ll pour everything I can into the D’Vaire guys I love so much. That would please her, she rarely let an opportunity slip to tell anyone who would listen that I was a writer.

The picture is from Christmas 2012 I think. I'm not a good picture taker so I don't have a lot but she's the pretty lady in front wearing the blue paisley shirt. I've got more recent ones but this was the only holiday one I could find.

Thank you for taking this D'Vaire journey with me and for lifting my spirits during this tumultuous summer. I appreciate your words, your support, and your love. It means everything to me. And I promise to keep focused on crafting stories for all these imaginary friends of mine!

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